Midnight Ramblings #1

This year celebrating my birthday is not an option since my grandpa passed away in February. Something to do with the chinese tradition. It never occur to me that I will miss him THIS much. I wouldn't say I am close to him but he was like a permanent fixture whenever I visit. I would step into my gramps place and greet everyone...including grandpa and then plop myself on the couch or gossip with the aunts and cousins.

Life goes on. That is true. But there will always be a void that nothing can replace. I hate to admit that I took my grandpa for granted. I am not as ignorant as I still help him when he needs me but it is just that thought that I could've done better.

Although a month has passed, I still think about everything that took place at times. From the day my mom called me at 9 something in the morning, up to the moment I bid grandpa goodbye at the crematorium. I am kind of still in the denial state. It still doesn't feel like he is gone. Like, he is often resting in his room. So whenever I go over now, although he isn't there, I still have this impulsive side thinking that he is in his room. Even after offering a joss stick to his picture at his home made altar.  

I definitely place more attention and care to my grandma now. I suppose that is only natural unless you are already BFFs with your grandma then kudos to you *thumbs up* I hugged her for the first time in years, on the day grandpa passed away. She came out from her room crying and kept saying that grandpa is gone. I cried but was speechless and naturally just offered her a hug. So that was how it happened. I count it as an "achievement unlocked" moment. Hopefully I can give her more hugs in the future but for now, my awkward self seem to be restraining me from doing so. *haiyoo*

Like I said. Life goes on. Things are slowly getting back on track. Everyone is going about their lives trying to get it together. As for me, I am pretty much a computer chair potato everyday except for Monday, Thursday and Saturday. I have to tutor kids on those days. Some times...they make me want to punch a wall. Not because they are cute...but because they really love to test my patience (>.<)

I thought women are known for extreme mood swings, I swear, kids aged between 3 to 6 are no different. One moment they are sweet, cheerful and discipline and like a flip of a switch they wreck havoc. 

Feels good to empty my thoughts here. I guess I am getting back into my blogging habit. Or maybe not. I don't know. We'll see :)