S A M A N T H A . L O V E: Do You Believe In God?

Today, a student of mine asked me just that.

I just gave him a tight smile and answered, "Yes" and he, in return gave me the purest smile any child could give, and said, "Me too." He then continued, " In this world, there is only one God", and shifted his gaze upward, "and he is up there."

For a moment I felt a pang of guilt for giving him a half-assed answer because, the truth is, my faith isn't strong. Nor was it ever was. I am guilty for being one of those people who would ONLY believe in God when the hard times roll in (I guess I do believe in god afterall! so contradicting). Every other day, my reply would be, "God who?". AND tuan-tuan dan puan-puan sekalian, just typing that question itself, secured me a place in the depths of hell. Even if that is not the reason I am going to hell for, the countless sins that I am held accounted for will pretty much seal my fate there. Please don't judge. I am human...after all.

It got me thinking about the people around me and their 'interest' or 'faith' in the subject of God. My maternal side of the family are definitely strong Buddhism believers. Whereas 1/4 of my paternal side had gone through a transition which my grandma label as, "che sin (crazy)". My aunts converted into Christianity.

As for my friends, most of them share the same sentiment as me. Even my 'hardcore' God-believer friends had lost their faith. Okay, maybe they haven't lost it completely. Lost is too strong of a word. Let's just say, there is a slight shift in their paradigm. From, "God is everything" to "I believe in God but my faith has shaken".

I, for one, am well known by my peers for making religious jokes (a fresh twist from the usual stupid ham sup (dirty) jokes, CONFIRM going to hell already). Often, I couldn't hold my tongue. But I always make it a point to check if the person I am talking is okay with me blurting out, "God damn it" or exclaiming, "Jesus..Christ!". I pay close attention to Christians because my best friend from primary school would shush me or slap my arm whenever I say, "Oh my god!". Old habits die hard. She taught me well. So from then on, I jaga-jaga sikit when being around Christians. Who knows one day I will kena hentam with a bible *touch wood*.

Since we are on the topic of the people I offended with my stupid blabbering about religion, here is another experience that I had in Form 2. 6 of my close friends then (fast forward to present, all but one are still my best friend) somehow gotten to the topic about God.. Along the line, I started asking stupid questions like, "Does God wear make up? Does God use washing machine? Takkan wear the same thing everyday right?" in which I paired with equally stupid answers. Envision Buddha using the washing machine. Go ahead. You know you want to. I won't judge you. lol

Long story short, one of my friend got offended and if I am not mistaken, gave me a short silent treatment which I found out after recess was that, she was offended by my insensitivity towards God. Couple the shush-and-slap-on-the-arm experience back in primary school with this secondary school experience, I have become more sensitive and aware of peoples' feelings when it comes to the topic of religion. Perfect ending to this post. hahaha

But my point really was just to point out the growing number of "non-believers". Not that it is an alarming matter but just comparing my younger years to the current generation, I just notice these little changes. I am not speaking for the whole country or the majority of the current generation but this is just my observation from the people I met throughout my life.